Day 12-14 June 6-28 to June 30

Going back to work on Monday was a little rough after the funeral. I was still very upset and had a busy day at work. I was so exhausted from the weekend. Tuesday was a very exciting day.... Eclipse came out at midnight! This is my first marker on my calendar and it was finally here! That meant that it had been 2 weeks since Joe has been gone and it has felt like it has flown. Tuesday was a long day because of the anticipation. Well the time came, it was the BEST of all three movies and I cant wait to see it again. Plus i got to see my Jew Jew which was awesome. I have missed her! And cant wait to see her again.

Wednesday came and i have been exhausted all day. I didnt get home until 3 and got up at 715. I thought I would be more excited that we had hit our 2 week mark but for some reason i was really down today. I was weepy and a little discouraged. On tuesday i was very excited it was the 2 week mark. and today i was so down that it was just the two week mark. I dont know if it was because im so tired or if it was just one of those days. I just miss him extra more it seems like today. I told him that today, that i missed him alot today. I know we have pretty much established a routine, but sometimes im very frustrated by the routine. Dont get me wrong I wouldnt trade my 42 second phone call for anything in the world, but sometimes its those 42 second phone calls that reminds me that its 42 seconds and not the hour(s) it was 2 weeks ago. I know i should be positive right now because that is what is going to make time go by faster, but im allowed a down day. Ive done very good for the past two weeks and im allowed one day where i get to wish that we had more time. Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I will be more positive. Tomorrow will be the day that i begin to countdown to the next marker. Today i will wish that 42 seconds was 42 minutes.

Day 8-11 June 24-27

After my great day on Wednesday, I had a horrible day Thursday. My grandmother that had been fighting a very aggressive form of cancer passed away early Thursday morning. I wished Joe had been here, and i know he wished the same thing. Its actually probably better he wasnt, because I was a mess all weekend and i really didnt want him to see me like that. Joe was really good to me though, even from thousands of miles away. he is always so supportive and always knows exactly what to say. He went through something similar with his grandmother so it helps that he understands. The weekend has been full of memories, reunions, and good byes. The viewing was Friday and there were alot more people there than we expected. She touched so many peoples lives and was cared about by so many people. Saturday we moved her to the town where she grew up, Sipsey, AL near jasper. I saw alot of people that I have not seen in years. Today was the funeral. it was really rough to have to say good bye, well as the preacher said its not good bye its "so long". Its really hard to believe that she is gone, it still doesnt feel real yet. I know she is in a better place and she is healed and not in any pain anymore, but i still wish i could go hug her one more time. I wrote her a letter and I stuck it in her casket.
After I dropped my sister off I was on my way home and i looked in the sky and there was half of a rainbow. it may sound completely weird and rediculous but i felt this calming feeling come over me and it felt like my grandmother was telling me it was going to be ok. When i saw it i immediately thought of her and it felt like she wanted me to know that she loves me and shes happy. I miss her so much but i know she is always with me.

Yesterday i went to target and had some "therapy". I saw that they had packing supplies. wellllll i bought a box to send some of joes stuff. amazingly there is alot of room left in it so i may try to get all of his fathers day stuff and the things i was going to send him in one box. Im really excited to send this first box. :) Its getting alot easier. We have pretty much finally gotten into a routine together and that makes things easier. My first marker is coming up and time is passing really fast. I know its only been 11 days, but those 11 days have flown. I hope the whole year goes this fast. I love u yummy buns

Day 5-7 June 21-23, 2010

I survived the weekend and headed back to work on Monday. He is finally there and safe and we have started to begin a routine somewhat. I was a little down on Monday but that was normal. Tuesday though was a different story. We talked on my way to work (he was close to getting off of work at this time) and when we got off the phone, i thought back and it felt like i was rushing, but it was just because of the delay in the connection. I was kinda upset that our phone calls are short, but thats just how it is. I cant change that and im sure the longer he is there the longer our conversations will get. I have to remember he works all day, works out twice a day, and is still getting used to the time difference and catching up on sleep. Im new to the whole military thing and its easy to forget he works long hours and is exhausted. Tuesday for me was one of those "im just going to cry it out" days. And i did. Someone at work talked to me about it and asked what was so hard about this? I asked myself that before he deployed. I thought well we already do long distance, this will be easier for me since we already have practice in that area. WRONG! Even though our entire relationship has been long distance, this is just as hard as if we had lived together. We were comfortable in a routine. We could text anytime to feel connected, we could call just to say we saw something funny. We could say I cant wait to see you on Friday. and then when those weekends got here i would gripe about the dirve and now i would give anything to gripe about the drive if i knew he was at the end of it. I explained how hard it was to go from seeing him, talking to him, and communicating with him to getting a 42 second phone call and then having to wait another 10-12 hours to get a 2 mintue phone call and then to talk online and not get to hear his voice. He understood after I explained it to him. he also reminded me that God is going to take care of both of us and God is using this in our lives to make us stronger and to make us closer to each other but also closer to Him. Sometimes its easy to forget that God will never give us more that we can bear, even though it seems like if "one more thing" goes wrong or gets added to our cart that we will just collapse and not make it. God wont do that to us. We have to put it in his hands and trust that no matter what we will make it.

Wednesday came and I was just in such a good mood. I didnt know why until i realized that today was WEDNESDAY! it had been exactly a week since i watched him walk away, since the last kiss, since the last hug and hand holding. and I was ecstatic! I have survived a whole week and it didnt even feel like a week has gone by. It felt like a long 3 days, but this week flew. I am so happy that i made it a week! I realized that in one more week will be my first "date marker". Eclipse will come out next week and its something i have to look forward to and be excited about. My next marker after that is Erins baby! Which is actually pretty good, because they have a due date but the baby could come early or later than that, so its like a surprise, then is mels graduation and then FOOTBALL! I spoke with him today twice and chatted online. he gave a list of things he wants and ive been researching them online. Thats a time-taker-upper. I can ship him things online as long as they will ship to an APO so i research that and then i research the item and get prices.

Also, I ordered my flat rate boxes today! Im getting really pumped about my care packages, although decorating them has been shot down by the hubby. Even though i still might do it a little just not on as big of a scale. Im also wanting to make a scrap book of "our first Deployment" so thats a task i can add to my list! Im just feeling so much better about this deployment. I will feel alot more better when he receives his boxes with his webcam in it and we can have our first webcam date :)
I knew i would feel better once we got on a little bit of a routine. He calls when i am on my way to work (he is about to get off) then we IM before he goes to bed (my lunchtime) then he calls before I go to bed (hes at breakfast).Sure our phone calls arent very long but i just like to hear his voice adn he sounds upbeat and that makes me feel upbeat. I miss him like crazy and even though im feeling really positive right now, i wont lie, there are moments in my day, where i get down, i frown and tear up looking at our pictures. but then i think ill get to talk to him soon. Those are the moments i just email him and tell him how much i love him, it makes me feel connected and i know he will see it and it wil make him smile.

I really appreciate everyones thoughts and prayers. It has meant so much to both of us that people support us and him especially. My family and friends have been awesome and I love them so much!

I love you joseph!

Day 4 June 20, 2010

He is there and he is safe! It was miserable today. Today is fathers day and I really wish he were here to celebrate. I emailed him and facebooked him a happy fathers day so hopefully he gets those soon. I got a 4 minute phone call earlier that I have been waiting on ALL day! I was scared I wasnt going to get to talk to him.

Today I was thinking alot about the care packages and things I can do for him. I was on a website today for military spouses and loved ones and one of the forums had to do with care packages. These women are so amazing with their care packages! I had no idea so much detail was put into these by some people! There were pictures posted and the entire inside of the boxes (since there cant be any words on the outside) were decorated and painted and had stickers and were themed. I was just going to get it all in the box and send it to the post office.... I am so excited about the care packages now. I have some of his things from the apartment that i still need to send him so i think i may do two care packages this month. I am waiting on his fathers day present to deliver here and the calendar I made him to come in. So i may send all of those sends separate. The things I have now include things like his pillow, and some first aid items. Im not sure what theme i could do to tie in his pillow, soap, and band aids but I will come up with something. I need to get that sent very soon so he can have his pillow, i think he is using the pillow that comes with his sleeping bag so its virtually like not having a pillow at all. Below are some of my ideas for different care packages:

Fathers day box: Coffee maker, cofee, fathers day gift (not saying what it is just in case he were to read this :), his card, and maybe some more coffee themed things since that seems to be common thing going on with this package. maybe some magazines to read or some stirrers for his coffee.

Misc. box: Pillow, soap, nails, band aids, power cords, and a pic of Lily he mixed in with my stuff

July (summer themed) box: packets of crystal light to mix with his water, maybe some sunglasses (not sure if he will use them or can use them), and maybe some pictures.

Football box: shirt or PJs with his team logo on it, snacks to eat to watch games, schedule of both our teams

Right now thats all i have come up with, i would like to do one filled with shampoo, conditioner, bath stuff and maybe some stuff to hekp him sleep or feel relaxed :)

I just want to decorate the boxes lol, go stock up on some scrapbooking paper and markers. I need to get some boxes and packing supplies too. HMMMMMM... shopping trip :) I love him so much and just want to continue to feel connected to him. By doing things for him i feel better. TOnight I shredded a bunch of his old bills he asked me to shred and I actually felt calmed by this because it was something i was doing for him. I emailed him earlier before i talked to him to tell him how much i love him and support him and that made me feel better.

Tomorrow i go to work and luckily that will maybe keep me distracted. Since I know about the time i will hear from him i wont look at my phone every 5 seconds like i did today just to make sure i didnt somehow miss something and that my phone is on. Hooray for day 5 tomorrow.... im almost to my one week mark. If i cna get some things accomplished this week that would be great, just so i can feel somewhat accomplished.

I should get some sleep, not tired, but i need to go to sleep. I have one of his pillows tonight so i will get to sleep where his head slept and snuggle with my FRG bear (i know im so lame hahah)





Mi

Day 3 June 19, 2010

I got a wonderful wake up call today that made my day. The day has been ok, kind of boring. I went to the pool for an hour before it started to pour. had lunch by myself and have been online ever since. I was able to talk to him not long ago, which feels awesome. I still get this little twinge of wanting to bust of crying when he has to get off the phone and all i want to do is scream out "no dont go yet" but i cant do that. I have a feeling weekends are going to be very lonely. So far i have had zero motivation to start anything on any of my lists. I know i need to just get in and do it but i just cant bring myself to do it. I have no appetite and all i want to do is lay in bed. How long does this last? How long is it going to take me to bounce back from this? I just want to get busy and stay busy so this year will pass. I know its only been 3 days but it feels like forever. i miss him so much. im ok until there comes a point where i would normally text him or call him to see what he is doing or to tell him something and then i realize "oh wait, i cant"

Im thinking about setting daily goals to and not just "mile markers". I had some set for today but i cant put the computer down. I was going to shred Joes bills that he needed shredded, start washing some of his civilian clothes that are dirty and start to pack his clothes in the tough box and then settle in for movie night with myself. so far i have just settled in... Tomorrow is fathers day, so at least i will be preoccupied with family. Monday I have to mail his direct tv box and pick up customs forms to mail some more of his stuff.

I know that this deployment will make us stronger and believe me I have so much more appreciation for him and for all the other miliitary wives out there that are doing this or have done this. For those of you that survived deployment, hats off to you, you ARE amazing women. Especially my bestie, Mel, she has been so wonderful and supportive and its partly because of her that I feel like im strong enough to do this. Thank you for encouraging me and staying positive (and that goes to everyone that has been positive... stacy, sarita, erica, june, etc.. to manny of you guys to name but you know who you are) I know that if you guys can do this so can I. And mostly Joe believes in us and me and he knows that everything will be ok. Im so thankful for him. I love him more than anything in the world.

Hurry up year.... lets get moving!

Day 2 June 18, 2010

Well I survuved day one. Today was a little easier, i didnt cry until i was leaving work. Normally I would have called him as soon as I was leaving work and I couldnt. With it being friday I would also normally be on my way to see him and im not. I did get to talk to him this afternoon and that was music to my ears. Hes very tired but I guess I would be too if I had flown half way around the world and my sleep patterns were as screwed up as his are. We also talked for a couple of hours on IM which was really nice, it felt like we were texting and that made me feel some sort of normalcy if only for an hour. But I do get to go buy him shoes which i am really excited about. It makes me feel useful and close to him to be able to do things for him from over here. I went to my moms and hung out there for a while. then on my way home he called again but i freaking missed the phone, i didnt have any service (thank you At&T). I got a voicemail though and now we are talking online again because he cant sleep :( he says he may get to call back later. That was horrible! My first missed phone call! I know it was bound to happen but i didnt think it would happen this soon. :( But I am getting closer and closer to my first checkpoint though so that makes me happy. Ive really started to narrow my list of stuff down that I am working towards to pass time.

1: Go see Eclipse (end of June)
2: Killian being born (end of july)
3: Melodys graduation (august)
4: Football!!!! (starts in sept-dec)
5: halloween (Oct)
6: The holidays (Nov-Dec)
7: Joe comes home in Feb for 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8: start looking for a job and packing (march-may)
9: Joe comes home (may-ish-june-ish)

And in between all of that is wedding planning, bills being paid off, work, working out, and spending alot of time with my besties and my family! I just know that once i make it to the first checkpoint thats almost one month down.... and so on and so one. I want to do one big thing a month so i have that to look forward to and once I get to it, im one month closer. I know football season is going to be the biggest thing, i mean think about it football season flies and all of a sudden its christmas! If i stay focused on these goals and checkpoints I know time will fly. I know it will anyways but right now it feels like time is not going anywhere lol. but then again its only day 2 :)

Tomorrow i am spending some time at the pool, shoe gazing :), unpacking his clothes and washing some of them so that I can pack it in his tough box. Then im going to watch some movies. i also need to go through all my junk mail maybe ill catch up on the book im reading and cosmo. Thats another big goal for me, i have a ton of books i want to read to over the next year too. Ive survuved day 2, bring on day 3 :)

I love you Yummy Buns!

Day one June 17, 2010

Joe and I met June 5, 2009. This was the day after he came home from his last deployment. We have had a very unconventional relationship. The first thing I learned about the Army after I learned plans usually always change, is that with the Army everything is excelerated. Relationships, deployments, emotions.... etc. Everything. Luckily my best friend is an Army wife, so I already kind of new that, I just had never experienced it for myself until I met Joe. On July 5th we became a couple. for the first few months of our relationship it was more phone based than anything else, we would talk for hours on the phone and until very early hours. Then around October we decided that wasnt enough and it became an every weekend thing. We told each other we loved each within the first 2 months, and were already tlaking marriage by 4 months... needless to say everything was definitely excelerated. Normally that would have scared me but I loved it. On April 5 we got married. I was officially an Army wife, an army wife with an impending deployment date looming over our heads. That is what scared me....not the excelerated relationship, not hitting relationship milestones months in advance, and not marrying him after only 10 months. Deployment scared the crap out of me. Our whole relationship had been long distance, with knowing I would see him that weekend. This was completely different. this was not seeing him until his R&R, this was talking to him on a horrible connection, this was not kissing him for a year. I was scared to death, but then again this is what i signed up for. I knew from the beginning what this was and that this would eventually come. Unfortunately that day finally came. I arrived in Clarksville on that friday before. We went to the race track to race his mustang, we packed his apartment up, we cleaned, we laughed, we hugged, we cried. We had inside jokes, and sang songs, made fun of other songs, and reminieced about the past year. I took pictures of course. Neither of us were ready for this, but at the same time we were both ready to get this over with, it was bittersweet. I tried not to cry in front of him, afterall this wasnt something he necessarily wanted to do, he didnt want to leave me, but this is what HE signed up for. There wasnt anything he could do to change this or make it any better, so I tried to be strong for him. Then the dreaded day came.....

We went to get his weapon, and wait at the hanger for him to leave. I thought I was going to be ok, until they called for final goodbyes because they were going to load the bus. This twang of panic rushed over me and the tears welled up in my eyes. He held me tight, kissed my forehead, and he said we can do this, we will make it through this. He told me how much he loves me and how much he is going to miss me and i did the same. One of the last things he said to me was "Be strong for me". Then he walked me to my car for our final goodbye. The hardest thing i have ever had to do was start my car and put it in drive. i watched him walk off in my rearview mirror. I cried in my car all the way home, and all night. I went to work today and cried most of the day, my boss understood and no one said anything to me about it. Then I got a phone call from him! That was the most excited I have ever been in my life! It was a horrible connection so most of the conversation was "what?" "I cant hear you" and then we got to chat on messenger and i was told he would call again tomorrow.

I miss him more than i ever thought i could miss someone. I am so thankful for the friends and fmaily I have, many have done this and have been so supportive and i know they are there for me. I know each day will get better and better, even joe has told me that. He has been through this twice before and has told me what to expect. I know this is just as hard on him and it is for me, so i know my feelings are not alone. I love him so much.

Ive set goals up for myself that include things I want to accomplish, try and checkpoints i want to make it to to help pass time. the first checkpoint is to see Eclipse. I have a care package and fathers day gift to send also so i am really looking forward to sending that. For now, just keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

I will continue to blog, writing out my feelings is easier for me and helps me alot when im overly emotional like this. My next blog will be my goals and things i want to do list. :)

I love you joe!