My Dental Hygiene Nightmare

While grocery shopping with my mom one evening i decided to pick up a few items I needed too. Of those items toothpaste was on the list. I was just using up the last of Crest Pro Health toothpaste (just the regular kind) and was going to get this again. Next to the Crest Pro Health was a new toothpaste called.... Crest Pro Health Clinical Gum Protection. I thought "Well this is Crest... Ill try it". So along with the toothpaste I decided to try the mouth wash too. This was about a week and a half ago. I try it and my mouth felt clean and fine, it had a great taste... and then u sit there for about 10 minutes.... then the filmyness on the inside of you cheeks and on ur gums starts..... for close to a week i ignored that. Then... it was hurting to brush. my gums were killing me everytime i brushed. i could feel little places inside my mouth around my gums that felt like little burns and were really sensitive to touch. At this point I started to use a different toothpaste but continued to use the mouth wash as normal. Since Monday of this week i have not been able to taste anything. there is this bad taste in my mouth I cant get rid of and it feels like my tongue is burned....

I started to do some research to see if anyone else had any of these effects from TOOTHPASTE! And they did. Luckily there was one effect i did not have... brown staining that can only be taken care of (expensively) by a dentist. I found numerous websites that gave other consumers accounts of their experience with this toothpaste and mouthwash. AND there was even a class action suit because of the staining. (http://www.dentalheroes.com/crest-pro-health-rinse-draws-complaints/)

My conclusion:
The toothpaste caused small chemical burns and caused the skin or tissue on the inside of my cheek and gums to peel (this was the filmyness). The mouthwash caused a horrble taste in my mouth and i think this burned my taste buds. My taste didnt really start to go out until after i quit the toothpaste and used the mouthwash with a different toothpaste.

Here are some of the websites I found with different reviews:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Crest-Pro-Health-Rinse-review-20965

http://www1.epinions.com/reviews/CREST_Pro_Health_Rinse_Clean_Mouth_Wash_Mint

http://www.insanit.net/warnings/crest-pro-health-fool-me-once-shame-on-you-fool-me-twice-shame-on-me/ (this is all about the specific toothpaste i used!)

So Im not crazy! This toothpaste and mouth wash is pure evil..... I will never buy ANYTHING crest ever again and I would encourage everyone to NEVER buy them either. I am going to try Colgate Total and floss now..... If i try to do a mouthwash i may try a natural one like Toms.

Update on Goals 9-13-10

Just a short blog today just to update the progress of my goals!

I believe 2 blogs ago I listed a list of things I wanted to get done:

start the "dresser" project
rework my resume
research houses in clarksville
finish my House of Night book
read and see Eat Pray Love
start running at the gym
clean back room
dust all the wall deco

Well as for the "dresser" project I have completed cleaning off the top of the dresser. I posted a picture of this last blog. And tonight I completed cleaning out one of the junk drawers in the dresser. I know that sounds small but there was a lot of junk in the junk drawer. There 5 more drawers to go.

On the resume front, i found three different versions of my resume on my computer and I sent off for some job search related books from Military One Source (bless there hearts they send military spouses up to 10 free books a year- ive received 6 or 7 now). Its still a little to far off for me to be working on my resume. Plus I plan to make different versions depending on the jobs I plan to apply for in Clarksville. So this will be put off until at least December-February. I just need to update and work on what skills I have :)

At this point there is no point in looking for anywhere to live in clarksville. Its to early, i mean anything thats available now will most likely not be available in May, and if it is still available then I really dont want it because something has got to be wrong with it haha. Ill keep a look out but I wont do any serious searching until next year.

To date I have completed ALL House of Night books and right now I am highly anticipating the Fledgling Handbook in October and then the next installment in January! But I have started another series ...... the Sookie Stackhouse series! Or True Blood books as they are more commonly known. I just started the 5th book and completed Season 1 of the show on Netflix. I start season 2 tomorrow on Netflix and should be finished with book 5 by this weekend. I am completely enthralled with the whole series. Its better than I thought it would be. I started Eat Pray Love and really thought it was going to be this really great, find happiness and yourself books. The book is divided up into 3 parts: Italy, India, and Bali. I am not even through part one and it is just not as enlightening as I thought it to be. I am still going to work through it and finish it however I prolly wont until I am done with the true blood books. And honestly I bought the book so I could see the movie but i just dont think I am very excited about it now. Maybe the book will get better the more I read. After that I still have my Dan Brown book to read, the books from Military One Source, and the new House of Night books. So I am at least set on books to keep me busy until Decemeber... maybe ever R&R.

Running at the gym......hahahhaha. That is all i have to say about my progress with that goal....

I successfully completed cleaning the back room this weekend. I dusted all the wood furniture, vacuumed the carpet...twice, cleaned off the dresser, and straightened up the room. The only things really left that I could do is wash the bed clothes, was the curtains, change the lightbulb, and clean out the closet to put Joes stuff in the closet to store.

I havent started the wall deco goal. I am dreading that project lol. I have the living room, my room, hall, dining room, and back bed room to clean all of the wall deco. I blame my dread on the lovely trend in the nineties: Interior Design Parties. For those not familiar with this. It was like Avon for picture frames, shelves, and candlebras for the wall. Someone comes to your home, you invite all your friends, and they gave u a catalogue to choose all kinds of home and wall decor for your home. My grandmother and aunt loved this... alot. But I figure if i take one room a weekend I can get it done in like a month or month and a half :)

So now that I have either completed or almost completed or about to start the goals I can add some new ones and set a time to be done.

New goals to be completed by Christmas:

Finish all the True Blood books
Finish Season two of True Blood
Clean the wall deco
Work on getting carpets cleaned
Finish cleaning out dresser drawers
Switch out summer/winter clothes
clean out bathroom closet
clean out back room closet
Finish Eat Pray Love

Well so much for being a short blog.... I dont even though if anybody reads this but it helps keep me grounded, sane, organized, and hopeful that time is passing and that Joes R&R is just around the corner. :)

Miss you baby! I love you!

September 4, 2010

Its Labor Day weekend... and today officially kicked off Alabama football! For football to finally be here just makes me sigh with relief. I am positive that time will fly now. Not only do I have my regualr goals to look forward to and to complete, but now every week..... i have a football game to look forward to! AHHHHHH such a relief. I took a little break working on my goals... and now im trying to get back to them. The first month flew by and then August just went by so slllloooooowwww. Plus August was just not a good month for me. I was in a horrible mood almost the whole month. But as the month started to come to a close so did my bad mood. Now we are in September and its going to be a great month and it is going to fly, which means October will be here soon. And then we are SOOOO much closer to Feb!

This work week has been a tough one. Every morning I have walked into some sort of disaster. Well Joe, the awesome husband he is, sent me a surprise present to make me feel better! He apparently coordinated with one of my co workers and she someone how kept it in and to herself the whole day ha. The fed ex lady walked in with a box and asked for me! It was awesome!I got the most beautiful Lilies, a box of Godiva Chocolate, a teddy bear and a sweet card that told me how much he thinks about me. It was so sweet! I have the best husband ever. So i have been nursing the flowers to try my hardest to keep them alive. They make the house smell so good!

So today we went to Tuscaloosa for the first game and we had a lot of fun. I made it to my next checkpoint... football seasoN! Next up is Florida trip on the 17th, Atlanta trip sometime in late September/early october, and then Halloween. Once Halloween gets here Joe is as good as here!

I completed one of my goals tonight! I cleaned off the top of my dresser. Still have the drawers to go so that will i guess be the next task. Also i finished all of my House of Night books, started a bible study for myself, and have been balancing my check book :) Im starting to feel that accomplished feeling again like i felt right after Joe left. I just have to remember to take one thing at a time and if i only do something small each day its still something i have completed. While Nana has been gone this weekend I have been cleaning alot. I cleaned the whole living room last night, i mean like i pulled all the furniture out and vacuumed and dusted and straightened. Im actually glad its a holiday week end. I plan on working on the kitchen and bathroom tomorrow.

I am trying to keep a busy schedule to stay focused. I also found my resume so i can update it and have been researching the job market in MD and TN, since ill have to look for a job when it comes time to move up there. i gotta say im not sure im fully prepared for such a huge thing. im not mentally prepared yet, luckily its a ways off. Im trying to use 43things.com to keep up with my goals and things to do. i also got a planner and so im trying to keep that filled up too.

So until next time..... hopefully I will have even more goals accomplished by then :)

Mt Cheaha was alot of fun and I got to see where we would have the ceremony and reception. Its really beautiful, hopefully I can get it booked within the next couple of months and get that ball rolling. I want to meet with people that do the booking and find out what more of the costs will be. This wedding stuff is really overwhelming and it stresses me out just to think about it. I wish Joe were here to help me and calm down my freakouts. Its been a rough two weeks. It finally lifted half way through last week. I was really down last week because of my stupid insecurities so i went to do my bible study for that day. And it was so amazing because my bible study was EXACTLY word for word what i needed to hear and the Lord knew it. For the rest of the week the bible study was everything i needed to hear. When I read Psalms 130 i busted out crying because i realized how wrong i have been about how i have being going about some things and it just made me feel so much better. I have had such a different outlook on things ever since that night and things have been so much better.




This weekend (aug 13-15) marked my next calendar marker... Mel's graduation!!! Im so proud of her! I went to clarksville this weekend to celebrate. Friday was her graduation party and then Saturday we went to the airfield to see the apaches and black hawks. that night we went to nashville to dance. then sunday we got lunch and came home.

TOMORROW..... marks 2 months down. Football starts in two weeks and then hopefully time will FLY! I hope so, i miss him so much, im so ready for him to come home. the first month flew, this month... not so much, this month has dragged super bad. he gets to come home in 6 months for his two weeks. Here are some things i plan to do to make time go by a lil faster or at least make it seem like it is going by a lil faster.

start the "dresser" project
rework my resume
research houses in clarksville
finish my House of Night book
read and see Eat Pray Love
start running at the gym
clean back room
dust all the wall deco


That should keep me busy til hopefully the beginning of October. Then when october gets here ill get to get excited for halloween and then we are only 4 months away from R&R! i plan to have this list completed by October 1! Thats my goal! Plus in the meantime I have football season to look forward to!

I love you Joseph!

Thursday July 29, 2010

We are half way to the 2 month mark. But I did get to mark one thing off of my calendar marker.... baby Killian! He is here and he is wonderful. He loves his Aunt Heather. He even smiled at me... dont worry im not that naive, i know he just had gas lol, but he smiled while i was holding him so i stay with the stance he smiled at me. He is so tiny but the most precious baby in the world! Now my next marker is only 2 weeks away! Which means its only 2 weeks away from being 2 months down.....

I have completed some goals too.
First I finished my Tv area. I cleaned out some drawers and dusted, and uncluttered. Every week i make a little more progress and it makes me feel like this deployment is not as bad and it seems like on some days. Not only that but i have completed 2 or the 3 books that I made a goal to complete. I am half way through with the 3rd one. I didnt have a web cam date with Joe last weekend and I wont have one this weekend either. I have made some progress on the wedding planning too. We found a place we BOTH agree on and love. There are some drawbacks but in the end... we are already married, we dont need some big elaborate thing for a vow renewal. I want to wear my dress and we want a ceremony and then we want to go to New York, so that means the majority of our budget is going to the honeymoon. I am going to see the place this Sunday so I will post pics when i get back from there. I have added some goals and markers. There are two walks I plan to do this fall. I also have a page on 43things.com so that I can keep up with the progress of my goals. Today i balanced my check book and had it right for the first time since Joe has been gone! i was so pround of myself!

I cant say my moods have been that great though. I have had more down days than up days the past couple of weeks. Joe had a rough weekend and i could hear it in his voice how exhausted he was. I hate for him to be like that. And the worst part is is that he has nothing to mix up his days. It is the same day in and day out and I hate that I cant do something to help that. Plus with all the babies that were born this weekend (2 of our army wife friends also had their babies this weekend too) got me to having baby fever. I never wanted kids until i met Joe. I saw how he was with Lily and how great kids can be, and it makes me want one so bad. I really want that connection with him and for us to be a real family. he said we would talk about it when he came home. So we will see.

Coming up this week:
Alabama adventure with Rachel
Mt Cheaha with Rachel
Pretty little liars with Mom
finish book 7 of House of Night
start book 8
take down all wall decor and dust them and clean them
wash curtains
clean out makeup drawers
go to the movies next weekend.

I missed some of my bible study time this week becauase i have not felt that great, so hopefully i can get back into that routine this week and my mood will pick back up. Ill post pictures of Mt Cheaha this weekend.

One month down July 17,2010

Yesterday was exactly one month since my super hot husband left the country. Since my last post I have accomplished sooo much. Honestly my moods have been so much better and I feel happier and my motivation finally got here :) Normalcy has begun to set in and more routines are in place. I have a clearer mindset on my goals and projects and for the first time in a long time i actually feel a litte bit positive (which is good because im normally an eternal pessimist) Last weekend i cleaned..alot. Last friday (7-09) i spent a quiet night at home watching tv and netflix. Then saturday i slept kinda late, but got up and had lunch with my mom, stepdad, and sister. I also saw a couple of churches i planned to check out for the wedding. then i came home and all of a sudden i was super cleaning woman. I didnt plan on doing as much as i did, but it was like once i got started i couldnt stop. my desk was an absolute disaster and my laptop just kinda sat in the floor next to the bed. paid bills were piled up, it was dusty, and it was cluttered. So i organized it, threw things away, dusted, and well uncluttered it. It actually looks like a desk now. (picture below is the final product.. just imagine it without the swiffer and dustpan)


well after the desk was done i saw my stack of movies and thought they would topple over at any moment. at the time they were stacked up in the floor and my books had accumulated next to my bed and cds were scattered all over the place. so my solution.... a media center to hold my cds and dvds, and i added my books because the shelves are adjustable. AND... the best part.... it had to be assembled. I did it! All by myself. I used a phillips head screwdriver, and a flat head screwdriver, and a hammer... all by myself :) i felt like Bob the builder. But you have no idea the sense of accomplishment i felt when i completed something like that. This is normally something i would have left to, well, a man, but I did it. Final product below :)


I started back to bible study last weekend too. I have been doing the daily bible studies during the week and I cannot begin to tell u the difference it has made. I really believe this is where my great mood and motivation has come from. Its been really great! The work week has been crazy busy which i have loved because it made time pass so fast. I did some light cleaning during the week. I have a chest of drawers and underneathe it I had some things stored. Well i guess to be more accurate it was crap shoved under it. As i was going through it i found alot of my art supplies. I have a sketch pad, and charcoal and a book to show you how to draw some basic things. I think in my down time im gonna try to pick up my drawing again. I took an art class a LONG time ago and im not going to say i was any good, but i do love to be creative and doodle. so i think im gonna try to go through this book and see how i do. What do you know... another goal ha. With that area I am not done cleaning up and cleaning out so once thats complete ill update on that. the rest of the week was filled with reading, netflix, and talking to my sweet husband. Speaking of my super thoughtful man... he got me a gift this week. He told me he got me a surprise and i swear i thought he was gonna burst through the phone with how excited he was for me to get it. It came thursday. I got home from work and tore through the box. I got the NOOK! Most people has no idea what it was but its like a Kindle. You download books to it to read, but u can also get on the web, play games, and download magazines and newspapers. ITS so AWEsome! I love it! He is such a good listener, because he heard me mention it once and remembered that. Hes so funny, he can remember me mentioning the nook once, but cant remember what he did the day before lol. I love him to death though :) Friday marked one month since the last time i got to kiss my baby. I went to the movies with my dad and my sister and then came home. Friday I actually got to talk to Joe alot. We talked for a while on the phone while i was at lunch and then for a while on the computer and also on the phone again that night when i got home. I love it when i dont think our conversations will last but a minute and then they last close to an hour or more. ITs such a sweet surprise :) Saturday(today) came and we got to have a webcam date. We talked only for a very long time. Our time was interrupted a few times by either the webcams freezing, or neither of us having much to say, or he was helping his neighbor, or by arachnids. But it didnt matter. What mattered was that i got to see his face and it wasnt a picture from 3 months ago, it was him today. I have decided that Saturdays are project days. After my much appreciated web cam date I went back to none other Walmart. I hate that place but i swear i live there. I decided since it was fairly late in the day (4:00) i wasnt going to do everything i had planned to do today. I decided i would only do my bed. When i was 16 i liked spongebob. I know. 16. but it was a thing me and my friends had and it was deeper than just a cartoon lol so i had the spongebob comforter. Well i have a futon and its uncomfortable, soooo i slept on top of the spongebob so u couldnt really see much of it. I used alot of blankets. I thought... well im 25 now... lets change it. Joe just got himself a memory foam mattress topper and loved it. SO i got me one. I also got a new comforter (black and gray reversible) new sheet, and new pilllow cases to match. It took me a while but i got it done. I also cleaned out one drawer and cleared off the back of my door that had a bunch of things hangiing on it. i cleaned out from underneath my bed and stored my blankets in a storage container under my bed, come the winter and i will want a blanket. it looks so much better :) Pic Below:


all in all it has been a very productive month so far. I cant believe we are already one month down. When Melodys graduation gets here we will be at 2 months :) And that means its about 2 weeks until football season starts. My next project is my chest of drawers. I will try to remember to take a before picture and an after picture. I wished i would have remembered that for the other things i got done because it was such a huge improvement.

Calendar marker number 3 is next week. Baby Killian will be here next Wednesday! After that my next marker wont be until Aug 13 for mel's graduation. But i have alot of mini-projects for along the way.


I love you so much Joe! You mean the world to me. One month down! We made it! I cant wait to make it through the next 7 months so i get to see you in Feb for 2 weeks.

Week 3 (july1-7th)

Hooray! Week Three! Friday the 16th will be one month! I cant believe its already been nearly a month. It has FLOWN by. which is awesome. So far i havent accomplished as many of my goals but i have met one marker and quickly approaching the second (come on erin! ) So far i have completed one book, sent my first care package, seen eclipse and have been spending time with my friends. Work has kept me really busy and according to my boss we will continue to get busy. For this upcoming month i have the following goals/markers:

1. Finish book 3 of the house of night series
2. Start and finish book 4 of house of night series
3. Send another package to Joe
4. baby Killian will be here (marker 2)
5. Girls weekend with Rachel and Amanda
6. Cleaning out some space in my room.

I think that is enough to keep me busy and preoccupied. Once July is over and August gets here, that means its time for Melodys graduation (marker 3) and that means we will be 2 months down! Not only have Joe and I got a routine in place, i pretty much have one for myself too....
Usually i try to work til between 430 and 5. Come home, make something to eat, do a little straightening up, watch a lil Tv or my netflix movie that has come in, get online, and then read til i either fall asleep or Joe calls. Then I start over the next day. I am so engrossed in the House of Night series that til just flys. there are only 7 books and i am on 3 so i have a little ways to go but with the way i am going through these books i will be done by August lol But that means I can read Eat Pray Love in August and then go see the movie. It looks like it will be really good. In addition to my regualar goals and markers I also have a book and movie goal list. I have combined them as a whole but individually im really excited about that too.

1. All 7 House of night books (currently on 3 of 7)
2. Eat Pray Love
3. The Lost Symbol (I preordered this when it first came out and then got into the Twilight Series so i stil havent read this one yet and I LOVE Dan Brown)
4. I want to do some educational reading too.... something geared towards Joe so i can a small clue as to what he is talking about with cars lol
5. There are also some Iris Johannsen books I need to catch up on in the Eve Duncan series

Those books alone should get me to Christmas or maybe even to R&R in Feb.

Movie wise there is something just about every month so im fairly covered there.

Getting passed my goal topic, Joe and I are doing good. We havent missed a time when we normally talk, but sometimes i have no idea what to talk about or to say. I cant say "hey baby, im going watch this show and ill give u a call bacK" like we used to do and we cant have a tv date anymore like we used to either. Its better on IM because i can be doing somehting at the same time and i find things to talk about alot easier. On the phone its the same conversation "how are you, how did you sleep, how was dinner, hows work.... etc" but its prolly good, because thats how our conversations are when he is home too, so its familiarity and what we both know and its a little comforting. Even when he is working and talking out loud to himself i love it... as long as i hear his voice its fine. i could sit there all day and just listen to him talk to himself about work. The only thing that is bugging me is the care packages. he is on a health kick and working out so any snacks i wanted to send are like "dieting devils" lol no carbs, no sugars, nothing fattening. and i cant send him pajamas like i wanted too because he only wears shorts to bed.... which is fine, i can work around that. but what else could i possibly send....? I have a few healthy snacks i can send like nuts and sunflower seeds, and popcorn. This is when i feel like i dont know him at all.As his wife i feel like i should just know exactly what he wants and needs and what he likes and doesnt like. but on the flip side i have to tell myself... I have only known him for a year. anything else i could send he can get at the PX... ill prolly just send him stuff anyways and if he uses it he uses it, if he doesnt he doenst... at least i tried. I know he just doenst want me to spend my money on him, thats just the type of person he is God love him :) Well baby, I promise not to spend much money on you... just a few thoughtful things here and there :)

Since its humpday and one more week til the one month mark here are my "plans":
Thursday: finish writing Grannys thank you cards with my dad
Friday: Clean and watch a movie
Saturday: hanging with Jew: if she is free and then WEBCAM DATE@!!!!!!
Sunday: Church and shopping with my mom
Monday: Secret life of the american teenager
Tuesday: going to moms to watch Pretty little liars
Wednesday: Netflix night
Thursday: reading :)
Friday: hmmmm not sure but its the one month mark so maybe ill celebrate and go to the movies instead of watching one at home :)

I think now that we are practically at the one month mark it wil be ok to only log once a week instead of everyday or every other day.... That way it will give me somehting to look forward to every week and every four entries is one month down :)

I love you so much joe! Your my best friend and you make me whole!

Day 12-14 June 6-28 to June 30

Going back to work on Monday was a little rough after the funeral. I was still very upset and had a busy day at work. I was so exhausted from the weekend. Tuesday was a very exciting day.... Eclipse came out at midnight! This is my first marker on my calendar and it was finally here! That meant that it had been 2 weeks since Joe has been gone and it has felt like it has flown. Tuesday was a long day because of the anticipation. Well the time came, it was the BEST of all three movies and I cant wait to see it again. Plus i got to see my Jew Jew which was awesome. I have missed her! And cant wait to see her again.

Wednesday came and i have been exhausted all day. I didnt get home until 3 and got up at 715. I thought I would be more excited that we had hit our 2 week mark but for some reason i was really down today. I was weepy and a little discouraged. On tuesday i was very excited it was the 2 week mark. and today i was so down that it was just the two week mark. I dont know if it was because im so tired or if it was just one of those days. I just miss him extra more it seems like today. I told him that today, that i missed him alot today. I know we have pretty much established a routine, but sometimes im very frustrated by the routine. Dont get me wrong I wouldnt trade my 42 second phone call for anything in the world, but sometimes its those 42 second phone calls that reminds me that its 42 seconds and not the hour(s) it was 2 weeks ago. I know i should be positive right now because that is what is going to make time go by faster, but im allowed a down day. Ive done very good for the past two weeks and im allowed one day where i get to wish that we had more time. Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I will be more positive. Tomorrow will be the day that i begin to countdown to the next marker. Today i will wish that 42 seconds was 42 minutes.

Day 8-11 June 24-27

After my great day on Wednesday, I had a horrible day Thursday. My grandmother that had been fighting a very aggressive form of cancer passed away early Thursday morning. I wished Joe had been here, and i know he wished the same thing. Its actually probably better he wasnt, because I was a mess all weekend and i really didnt want him to see me like that. Joe was really good to me though, even from thousands of miles away. he is always so supportive and always knows exactly what to say. He went through something similar with his grandmother so it helps that he understands. The weekend has been full of memories, reunions, and good byes. The viewing was Friday and there were alot more people there than we expected. She touched so many peoples lives and was cared about by so many people. Saturday we moved her to the town where she grew up, Sipsey, AL near jasper. I saw alot of people that I have not seen in years. Today was the funeral. it was really rough to have to say good bye, well as the preacher said its not good bye its "so long". Its really hard to believe that she is gone, it still doesnt feel real yet. I know she is in a better place and she is healed and not in any pain anymore, but i still wish i could go hug her one more time. I wrote her a letter and I stuck it in her casket.
After I dropped my sister off I was on my way home and i looked in the sky and there was half of a rainbow. it may sound completely weird and rediculous but i felt this calming feeling come over me and it felt like my grandmother was telling me it was going to be ok. When i saw it i immediately thought of her and it felt like she wanted me to know that she loves me and shes happy. I miss her so much but i know she is always with me.

Yesterday i went to target and had some "therapy". I saw that they had packing supplies. wellllll i bought a box to send some of joes stuff. amazingly there is alot of room left in it so i may try to get all of his fathers day stuff and the things i was going to send him in one box. Im really excited to send this first box. :) Its getting alot easier. We have pretty much finally gotten into a routine together and that makes things easier. My first marker is coming up and time is passing really fast. I know its only been 11 days, but those 11 days have flown. I hope the whole year goes this fast. I love u yummy buns

Day 5-7 June 21-23, 2010

I survived the weekend and headed back to work on Monday. He is finally there and safe and we have started to begin a routine somewhat. I was a little down on Monday but that was normal. Tuesday though was a different story. We talked on my way to work (he was close to getting off of work at this time) and when we got off the phone, i thought back and it felt like i was rushing, but it was just because of the delay in the connection. I was kinda upset that our phone calls are short, but thats just how it is. I cant change that and im sure the longer he is there the longer our conversations will get. I have to remember he works all day, works out twice a day, and is still getting used to the time difference and catching up on sleep. Im new to the whole military thing and its easy to forget he works long hours and is exhausted. Tuesday for me was one of those "im just going to cry it out" days. And i did. Someone at work talked to me about it and asked what was so hard about this? I asked myself that before he deployed. I thought well we already do long distance, this will be easier for me since we already have practice in that area. WRONG! Even though our entire relationship has been long distance, this is just as hard as if we had lived together. We were comfortable in a routine. We could text anytime to feel connected, we could call just to say we saw something funny. We could say I cant wait to see you on Friday. and then when those weekends got here i would gripe about the dirve and now i would give anything to gripe about the drive if i knew he was at the end of it. I explained how hard it was to go from seeing him, talking to him, and communicating with him to getting a 42 second phone call and then having to wait another 10-12 hours to get a 2 mintue phone call and then to talk online and not get to hear his voice. He understood after I explained it to him. he also reminded me that God is going to take care of both of us and God is using this in our lives to make us stronger and to make us closer to each other but also closer to Him. Sometimes its easy to forget that God will never give us more that we can bear, even though it seems like if "one more thing" goes wrong or gets added to our cart that we will just collapse and not make it. God wont do that to us. We have to put it in his hands and trust that no matter what we will make it.

Wednesday came and I was just in such a good mood. I didnt know why until i realized that today was WEDNESDAY! it had been exactly a week since i watched him walk away, since the last kiss, since the last hug and hand holding. and I was ecstatic! I have survived a whole week and it didnt even feel like a week has gone by. It felt like a long 3 days, but this week flew. I am so happy that i made it a week! I realized that in one more week will be my first "date marker". Eclipse will come out next week and its something i have to look forward to and be excited about. My next marker after that is Erins baby! Which is actually pretty good, because they have a due date but the baby could come early or later than that, so its like a surprise, then is mels graduation and then FOOTBALL! I spoke with him today twice and chatted online. he gave a list of things he wants and ive been researching them online. Thats a time-taker-upper. I can ship him things online as long as they will ship to an APO so i research that and then i research the item and get prices.

Also, I ordered my flat rate boxes today! Im getting really pumped about my care packages, although decorating them has been shot down by the hubby. Even though i still might do it a little just not on as big of a scale. Im also wanting to make a scrap book of "our first Deployment" so thats a task i can add to my list! Im just feeling so much better about this deployment. I will feel alot more better when he receives his boxes with his webcam in it and we can have our first webcam date :)
I knew i would feel better once we got on a little bit of a routine. He calls when i am on my way to work (he is about to get off) then we IM before he goes to bed (my lunchtime) then he calls before I go to bed (hes at breakfast).Sure our phone calls arent very long but i just like to hear his voice adn he sounds upbeat and that makes me feel upbeat. I miss him like crazy and even though im feeling really positive right now, i wont lie, there are moments in my day, where i get down, i frown and tear up looking at our pictures. but then i think ill get to talk to him soon. Those are the moments i just email him and tell him how much i love him, it makes me feel connected and i know he will see it and it wil make him smile.

I really appreciate everyones thoughts and prayers. It has meant so much to both of us that people support us and him especially. My family and friends have been awesome and I love them so much!

I love you joseph!

Day 4 June 20, 2010

He is there and he is safe! It was miserable today. Today is fathers day and I really wish he were here to celebrate. I emailed him and facebooked him a happy fathers day so hopefully he gets those soon. I got a 4 minute phone call earlier that I have been waiting on ALL day! I was scared I wasnt going to get to talk to him.

Today I was thinking alot about the care packages and things I can do for him. I was on a website today for military spouses and loved ones and one of the forums had to do with care packages. These women are so amazing with their care packages! I had no idea so much detail was put into these by some people! There were pictures posted and the entire inside of the boxes (since there cant be any words on the outside) were decorated and painted and had stickers and were themed. I was just going to get it all in the box and send it to the post office.... I am so excited about the care packages now. I have some of his things from the apartment that i still need to send him so i think i may do two care packages this month. I am waiting on his fathers day present to deliver here and the calendar I made him to come in. So i may send all of those sends separate. The things I have now include things like his pillow, and some first aid items. Im not sure what theme i could do to tie in his pillow, soap, and band aids but I will come up with something. I need to get that sent very soon so he can have his pillow, i think he is using the pillow that comes with his sleeping bag so its virtually like not having a pillow at all. Below are some of my ideas for different care packages:

Fathers day box: Coffee maker, cofee, fathers day gift (not saying what it is just in case he were to read this :), his card, and maybe some more coffee themed things since that seems to be common thing going on with this package. maybe some magazines to read or some stirrers for his coffee.

Misc. box: Pillow, soap, nails, band aids, power cords, and a pic of Lily he mixed in with my stuff

July (summer themed) box: packets of crystal light to mix with his water, maybe some sunglasses (not sure if he will use them or can use them), and maybe some pictures.

Football box: shirt or PJs with his team logo on it, snacks to eat to watch games, schedule of both our teams

Right now thats all i have come up with, i would like to do one filled with shampoo, conditioner, bath stuff and maybe some stuff to hekp him sleep or feel relaxed :)

I just want to decorate the boxes lol, go stock up on some scrapbooking paper and markers. I need to get some boxes and packing supplies too. HMMMMMM... shopping trip :) I love him so much and just want to continue to feel connected to him. By doing things for him i feel better. TOnight I shredded a bunch of his old bills he asked me to shred and I actually felt calmed by this because it was something i was doing for him. I emailed him earlier before i talked to him to tell him how much i love him and support him and that made me feel better.

Tomorrow i go to work and luckily that will maybe keep me distracted. Since I know about the time i will hear from him i wont look at my phone every 5 seconds like i did today just to make sure i didnt somehow miss something and that my phone is on. Hooray for day 5 tomorrow.... im almost to my one week mark. If i cna get some things accomplished this week that would be great, just so i can feel somewhat accomplished.

I should get some sleep, not tired, but i need to go to sleep. I have one of his pillows tonight so i will get to sleep where his head slept and snuggle with my FRG bear (i know im so lame hahah)





Mi

Day 3 June 19, 2010

I got a wonderful wake up call today that made my day. The day has been ok, kind of boring. I went to the pool for an hour before it started to pour. had lunch by myself and have been online ever since. I was able to talk to him not long ago, which feels awesome. I still get this little twinge of wanting to bust of crying when he has to get off the phone and all i want to do is scream out "no dont go yet" but i cant do that. I have a feeling weekends are going to be very lonely. So far i have had zero motivation to start anything on any of my lists. I know i need to just get in and do it but i just cant bring myself to do it. I have no appetite and all i want to do is lay in bed. How long does this last? How long is it going to take me to bounce back from this? I just want to get busy and stay busy so this year will pass. I know its only been 3 days but it feels like forever. i miss him so much. im ok until there comes a point where i would normally text him or call him to see what he is doing or to tell him something and then i realize "oh wait, i cant"

Im thinking about setting daily goals to and not just "mile markers". I had some set for today but i cant put the computer down. I was going to shred Joes bills that he needed shredded, start washing some of his civilian clothes that are dirty and start to pack his clothes in the tough box and then settle in for movie night with myself. so far i have just settled in... Tomorrow is fathers day, so at least i will be preoccupied with family. Monday I have to mail his direct tv box and pick up customs forms to mail some more of his stuff.

I know that this deployment will make us stronger and believe me I have so much more appreciation for him and for all the other miliitary wives out there that are doing this or have done this. For those of you that survived deployment, hats off to you, you ARE amazing women. Especially my bestie, Mel, she has been so wonderful and supportive and its partly because of her that I feel like im strong enough to do this. Thank you for encouraging me and staying positive (and that goes to everyone that has been positive... stacy, sarita, erica, june, etc.. to manny of you guys to name but you know who you are) I know that if you guys can do this so can I. And mostly Joe believes in us and me and he knows that everything will be ok. Im so thankful for him. I love him more than anything in the world.

Hurry up year.... lets get moving!

Day 2 June 18, 2010

Well I survuved day one. Today was a little easier, i didnt cry until i was leaving work. Normally I would have called him as soon as I was leaving work and I couldnt. With it being friday I would also normally be on my way to see him and im not. I did get to talk to him this afternoon and that was music to my ears. Hes very tired but I guess I would be too if I had flown half way around the world and my sleep patterns were as screwed up as his are. We also talked for a couple of hours on IM which was really nice, it felt like we were texting and that made me feel some sort of normalcy if only for an hour. But I do get to go buy him shoes which i am really excited about. It makes me feel useful and close to him to be able to do things for him from over here. I went to my moms and hung out there for a while. then on my way home he called again but i freaking missed the phone, i didnt have any service (thank you At&T). I got a voicemail though and now we are talking online again because he cant sleep :( he says he may get to call back later. That was horrible! My first missed phone call! I know it was bound to happen but i didnt think it would happen this soon. :( But I am getting closer and closer to my first checkpoint though so that makes me happy. Ive really started to narrow my list of stuff down that I am working towards to pass time.

1: Go see Eclipse (end of June)
2: Killian being born (end of july)
3: Melodys graduation (august)
4: Football!!!! (starts in sept-dec)
5: halloween (Oct)
6: The holidays (Nov-Dec)
7: Joe comes home in Feb for 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8: start looking for a job and packing (march-may)
9: Joe comes home (may-ish-june-ish)

And in between all of that is wedding planning, bills being paid off, work, working out, and spending alot of time with my besties and my family! I just know that once i make it to the first checkpoint thats almost one month down.... and so on and so one. I want to do one big thing a month so i have that to look forward to and once I get to it, im one month closer. I know football season is going to be the biggest thing, i mean think about it football season flies and all of a sudden its christmas! If i stay focused on these goals and checkpoints I know time will fly. I know it will anyways but right now it feels like time is not going anywhere lol. but then again its only day 2 :)

Tomorrow i am spending some time at the pool, shoe gazing :), unpacking his clothes and washing some of them so that I can pack it in his tough box. Then im going to watch some movies. i also need to go through all my junk mail maybe ill catch up on the book im reading and cosmo. Thats another big goal for me, i have a ton of books i want to read to over the next year too. Ive survuved day 2, bring on day 3 :)

I love you Yummy Buns!

Day one June 17, 2010

Joe and I met June 5, 2009. This was the day after he came home from his last deployment. We have had a very unconventional relationship. The first thing I learned about the Army after I learned plans usually always change, is that with the Army everything is excelerated. Relationships, deployments, emotions.... etc. Everything. Luckily my best friend is an Army wife, so I already kind of new that, I just had never experienced it for myself until I met Joe. On July 5th we became a couple. for the first few months of our relationship it was more phone based than anything else, we would talk for hours on the phone and until very early hours. Then around October we decided that wasnt enough and it became an every weekend thing. We told each other we loved each within the first 2 months, and were already tlaking marriage by 4 months... needless to say everything was definitely excelerated. Normally that would have scared me but I loved it. On April 5 we got married. I was officially an Army wife, an army wife with an impending deployment date looming over our heads. That is what scared me....not the excelerated relationship, not hitting relationship milestones months in advance, and not marrying him after only 10 months. Deployment scared the crap out of me. Our whole relationship had been long distance, with knowing I would see him that weekend. This was completely different. this was not seeing him until his R&R, this was talking to him on a horrible connection, this was not kissing him for a year. I was scared to death, but then again this is what i signed up for. I knew from the beginning what this was and that this would eventually come. Unfortunately that day finally came. I arrived in Clarksville on that friday before. We went to the race track to race his mustang, we packed his apartment up, we cleaned, we laughed, we hugged, we cried. We had inside jokes, and sang songs, made fun of other songs, and reminieced about the past year. I took pictures of course. Neither of us were ready for this, but at the same time we were both ready to get this over with, it was bittersweet. I tried not to cry in front of him, afterall this wasnt something he necessarily wanted to do, he didnt want to leave me, but this is what HE signed up for. There wasnt anything he could do to change this or make it any better, so I tried to be strong for him. Then the dreaded day came.....

We went to get his weapon, and wait at the hanger for him to leave. I thought I was going to be ok, until they called for final goodbyes because they were going to load the bus. This twang of panic rushed over me and the tears welled up in my eyes. He held me tight, kissed my forehead, and he said we can do this, we will make it through this. He told me how much he loves me and how much he is going to miss me and i did the same. One of the last things he said to me was "Be strong for me". Then he walked me to my car for our final goodbye. The hardest thing i have ever had to do was start my car and put it in drive. i watched him walk off in my rearview mirror. I cried in my car all the way home, and all night. I went to work today and cried most of the day, my boss understood and no one said anything to me about it. Then I got a phone call from him! That was the most excited I have ever been in my life! It was a horrible connection so most of the conversation was "what?" "I cant hear you" and then we got to chat on messenger and i was told he would call again tomorrow.

I miss him more than i ever thought i could miss someone. I am so thankful for the friends and fmaily I have, many have done this and have been so supportive and i know they are there for me. I know each day will get better and better, even joe has told me that. He has been through this twice before and has told me what to expect. I know this is just as hard on him and it is for me, so i know my feelings are not alone. I love him so much.

Ive set goals up for myself that include things I want to accomplish, try and checkpoints i want to make it to to help pass time. the first checkpoint is to see Eclipse. I have a care package and fathers day gift to send also so i am really looking forward to sending that. For now, just keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

I will continue to blog, writing out my feelings is easier for me and helps me alot when im overly emotional like this. My next blog will be my goals and things i want to do list. :)

I love you joe!